Til It's Gone
by swannsongg
Summary: (KIND OF PUT ON THE BACK BURNER, DON'T UPDATE OFTEN) Highschool AU. Castiel and Dean are complete opposites. Dean has hidden feelings for the nerdy Cas and tries desperately to repress them. When a crazed gun man enters their school, their lives are changed forever. Will tragedy bring them together, or push them apart?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

**Hi friends. This is going to be a two-shot and it's going to deal with a lot of drama and angst and tragedy. It will be dealing with a sensitive subject and I haven't found any fics on here that deal with this topic so if you feel it's offensive then I apologize, but when a story comes to mind I need to write it out. With that being said, you've been warned. So if you read the story description and you don't feel comfortable reading, then just sit this one out. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy. **

**Also I don't own any of these characters. The only thing that belongs to me is my disturbed mind.**

Friday, October 25, 2013.

It was a typical Friday at Centennial Secondary School, the teenagers less focused on their schoolwork and more focused on the weekend. Halloween was in only 6 short days, and since Halloween fell on a Thursday the following week, it was decided among the crowd of teenagers that the annual high school Halloween party would fall on the Friday before, the 25th.

This year a senior student, Lisa Braeden, would be the one to throw the party. Her parents had a massive house, lots of money and little rules, so they would pay to deck the place out in the spookiest decorations money could buy, and had no qualms about supplying the alcohol for the underaged teens. In short, everybody was stoked. The guys because they would be surrounded by inebriated girls in the raciest costumes they could find, and the girls because for one day out of the year, they could dress as provocatively as they like, wear as much heavy makeup as they desire, and nobody could judge them.

It was gearing up to be a great night, one for the books. Now if only the day would just go by a little quicker, then the day would be perfect. Little did everybody know, nobody would end up partying that night. Before the school day was over, there would be despair and tragedy that nobody could have prepared for. They had no idea what they were in store for.

It was morning, and everybody was roaming the halls, gathering around lockers, and rushing to class. Among those students was Castiel Novak. A quiet, respectful, and somewhat nerdy senior. He was standing at his locker, gathering his books when he felt the body heat of another person beside him. He closed his locker door with a sigh, knowing exactly who it was.

"What can I do for you, Dean?" He said lamely, turning his attention to the larger of the two beside him.

"You got that essay I asked you to write for me?" Dean asked.

Cas just nodded slightly, sighing before digging in his binder to find the sheet of paper he was searching for.

Dean Winchester was something else. He was popular and somewhat famous among his peers. He was tall, strongly built, and alluring. He could sweet talk anybody, and use his charm to get what he wanted. He was statuesque and had a perfectly symmetrical face, complete with striking green eyes, perfectly shaped plump lips, and a dusting of freckles. He was popular with the ladies, but if Cas could guess, he'd say Dean was over compensating for something. Nevertheless, he was respected and feared and adored. Nobody messed with Dean Winchester. And while he wasn't necessarily a bully, he used his influence on the school to get what he wanted, and he did nothing to stop his cruel friends when they bullied other people, Castiel, sadly, being one of those people.

Dean had come to Castiel the previous day, not so much asking but demanding he write his English essay for him, which of course, was due the following day. Usually, Cas wasn't one to give in to the popular kids, he was shy and quiet but he stood up for himself, which usually earned him a punch in the face, or a shove against a locker. When he had told Dean that he was sorry, he couldn't do it because he was simply swamped in his own homework, Dean had offered to get his friends to back off of him and his friends who were also frequently bullied, Chuck and Kevin, for at least a month. The idea of a humiliation and pain free month for him and his best friends was enough to make him cave, which lead them up to this moment.

Cas handed the paper to Dean, who seemed to tense when their fingers brushed at the exchange. Cas noted this as odd, but didn't pry.

"One English essay, coming up."

Dean relaxed a bit, ruffling his hand through Castiel's already messy mop of hair.

"Thanks, kid. Better be grade A material or the deal is off, though." Dean said seriously. Castiel just nodded, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

"I can assure you, my work has never been below an A grade, Dean. You'll be fine."

Before Dean could reply, Kevin came running over to Cas, wrapping his arm around his shoulder, Castiel smiled at his friend's gesture and tried not to notice when he saw Dean's eye twitch, a flash of anger, jealousy, annoyance, something along those lines, finding it's way onto his face, it was so quick, that Cas wasn't even sure if he'd seen correctly.

"Scram, Kevin, I'm talking to Novak" Dean spat. Kevin, never caring much for Dean, simply rolled his eyes, ignoring him.

"We still on for tonight, Cas?" Kevin asked, a smile on his lips.

"Of course, Kevin. Is everything all set at Chuck's? Where is he today, anyway?"

"Everything is a go, sir. Chuck stayed home today, he wanted to go get some old movies and some cheap alcohol for us. Wouldn't be a party at Chuck's without a little bottom shelf whisky"

"You're not going to Lisa's party, Cas?" Dean asked, his brow furrowed.

"Of course not, Dean. I am not welcome there. Plus, the idea of being surrounded by a copious amount of teenagers who cannot hold their liquor makes me uncomfortable. Me, Kevin and Chuck are just going to have an old horror movie marathon, order some food and have some bad drinks." Cas shrugged. Dean gave Cas a blank stare for a moment, but as he was about to say something, his best friend, Adam, came crashing into him.

"What's this I hear about bad drinks?" He said. Adam and Dean have been best friends since grade 4. They were always getting into trouble together, and though Dean was the "ring leader" of their little group, it was always Adam who persuaded Dean to get into trouble. Cas disliked him. He was loud and mean and obnoxious.

"Oh, our three little amigos here are having a Halloween party of their own." Dean said, rolling his eyes.

"Be careful, Kevin, I heard Castiel likes it up the ass. May try to have a ménage à trois, if ya know what I mean." Adam laughed.

Cas just rolled his eyes, tilting his head slightly.

"I do not see how my sexual orientation has anything to do with this, Adam. Simply because someone is gay, doesn't mean they try to defile any male they come into contact with" Cas deadpanned.

"Wait, what? You're actually gay?" Dean asked, his voice laced with curiosity. Cas just shrugged.

"I do not like lables, Dean. I am what I am" He said simply.

Adam made a fake puking noise, grabbing Dean's arm. "Come on man, before the gay rubs off on us!"

Dean stared at Castiel for a moment, his face unreadable. There was no trace of disgust or horror in it, though. "Uh, yeah, I'm coming" he said lamely, turning on his heel to saunter off down the hall with Adam. Cas heard Kevin sigh.

"What a bunch of idiots, man. Don't listen to them Cas."

"I don't mind, Kevin. I am not offended and do not care what they think."

"Atta boy!" Kevin grinned, giving Cas a friendly slap on the back, "let's head to class, we're going to be late!"

"Lead the way, Captian!" Cas joked, following Kevin to their first class of the day.

Their first class went by pretty quickly, they sat in the front to avoid hearing the banter about that nights party. The teacher had to constantly tell the students to simmer down, though that didn't do much to stop them. Everybody was simply too excited. Cas didn't see what all the fuss was about. Yes, getting drunk could be fun but it was more enjoyable in a quiet invironment with a few close friends. Why would anybody want to a party filled with people who were just waiting for you to do something embarrassing so they could black mail or humiliate you for the weeks to follow? He supposed it was more about the sex. He himself was a virgin and wasn't in any rush to lose it. As Adam had pointed out, Cas was, indeed, gay. He figured it out when he was 13 and was dared to kiss some guy he'd met at camp. Kissing that guy was a lot more satisfying than kissing the girl he was also dared to kiss. He didn't know of any other openly gay guys in his town, though, so he just figured when he got older he'd move away and meet a nice man to be with. He was more focused on his academics then the whole dating pool, anyway. While he didn't mind his small little town, he desperately wanted to get accepted into a good college and create a life for himself, move to where nobody knew him, start fresh, make his own rules. It is what he strived for.

The rest of the class went by with him furiously working away, ignoring the student's chatter around him. He sighed in relief when the bell rang for his second class. He had drama class which he didn't necessarily care for, but it was an easy A and for the most part, he was surrounded by people he could be himself around. It was full of drama nerds and other kids people would deem outcasts. The only dreadful thing about it, was Dean. Dean didn't have the greatest marks and since he skipped school registration day, he was stuck taking drama as an elective. He wanted to take music, but the class was full by the time he got around to picking his electives. Cas sped walked through the halls to return his books to his locker before drama started, but before he could get there he was tripped by Uriel, another friend of Dean's, causing his books and papers to scatter around the floor.

"Oops, didn't see you there Novak" Uriel grinned, causing laughter from the 3 girls who were with him. Cas sighed, starting to collect his fallen belongings. Great, now he was going to be late for class. With his belongings collected and returned safely, he hurried off to class. When he got there, everybody was seated in sets of 2. They had no desks in the drama room, so everyone sat on the carpeted floor. The room itself had a small stage, which had various props and backdrops put on it. The walls were dark grey along with the carpet, to give the room a darker feel for when they put on mini performances for the class on the small stage. It was a cozy room, Cas liked it.

"Ah, Castiel, so glad of you to join us!" The teacher, said.

"I'm so sorry, I was...held up" Cas offered lamely.

"Very well, Castiel. Everybody was to get into pairs and practice some dialogue from the musical "Grease", and since the only person without a partner is Dean, you will be pared with him today"

"What?" Dean and Cas both said in unison.

"You heard me, now go sit with your partner, Castiel" she said, handing him the dialogue papers. Cas sighed deeply, walking over to Dean, who was sitting in a quiet corner by the stage. Cas sat in front of him, looking at him impassively.

"You little friend Uriel had tripped me on my way to my locker, Dean. What happened to our deal?" Cas asked, frowning. Dean just shrugged. Not making eye contact with him.

"You can be a real jerk, Dean" Cas mumbled sadly, shaking his head, looking down at his papers.

Dean couldn't find it in himself to look at Cas. He didn't know why, but something drew him to the blue-eyed man. Dean would never in a million years admit it, but he had something of an attraction going on for Cas for the last couple of months. It all started when him and his friends were playing a game of truth or dare, extreme style, at lunch one day. The stipulation was, for every dare you completed and every truth you answered truthfully, you would get 5 dollars from the person creating the dare or asking the truth. If you chickened out, you had to put all the money you earned in the middle of the table, for the other players to play for. The last person to complete all dares and truths without chickening, got all the money in the middle of the table. Dean was already up 30 dollars when Ruby, a girl who clung to Adam like cling wrap, asked him to choose.

"Dean, truth or dare?" She asked.

"Dare" He replied cockily.

"Hmm, okay, interesting." She smirked, an evil expression washing over her features. "I dare you to go up to Cas Novak, and kiss him on the lips". A couple of gasps were heard, and Adam burst out laughing.

"Ew, what the fuck, Ruby! No way!" Dean snapped.

"Okay then, big boy, throw your money in the pile, you forfeit the game" She smiled wickedly.

"Come on, Dean. Don't chicken out. I had to offer a foot rub which earned me a detention, you can do this." Adam whined. Dean sighed, looking at his money. If he won the game, he would have a little over 100 dollars.

"Ugh, fine. But revenge is sweet, and you'll get yours" he warned Ruby, standing up. He looked over to Cas, who was sitting at a table in the corner, eating a sandwich and reading a book. Dean felt his heart pound, he disliked Cas. He was an overachiever and a know-it-all. He had to get it over with, he wouldn't let Ruby of all people make him lose. He walked over to Cas, sitting down beside him. ''Hey, Castiel" Dean said, feeling nervous. He was a bit annoyed when Cas didn't even bother to look up from his book.

"Hello, Dean. Is there something I could help you with?" Cas asked, still skimming his book. Dean rested his hand on Cas's thigh, smiling to himself when it caused Cas to put his book down and look questioningly at him. Dean never noticed how blue is eyes were before. He seen Cas around school and class but had never seen him up close. He had bright blue expressive eyes, and a set of full, chapped, pink lips. He was pale, but not sickly so. He looked delicate and soft. Without thinking, Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips against Cas's. He felt Cas tense up, and he felt that Cas wasn't returning the kiss, but he didn't care. For a fraction of a second he forgot what he was doing and why. For some unknown reason, kissing Cas didn't repulse him like he thought it would. His lips were soft and moist, they tasted good. He felt himself wanting to deepen the kiss, but when he heard explosive laughter, he pulled away quickly. He started at Cas, who was wide eyed and tense. "He did it! He actually did it!" He heard Adam cry out, "the truth or dare front runner!"

Cas frowned at Dean, pushing his hand off his thigh. "You kissed me on a dare, Dean?" He asked, unimpressed.

"Uh, yeah, Ruby dared me to." Dean replied, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed.

Cas just rolled his eyes and picked his book and sandwich up.

"You're a real jerk, Dean." Cas said in his deep, gravelly voice, before standing up and storming away.

Dean had kissed plenty of people since that day, even slept with a few and it frustrated him to no end when he noticed that none of them felt as good as it did with Cas.

"So, the only dialogue left was between Danny and Sandy, and since you're clearly going to make me the girl, let's get this over with, and try to tone down on the Castiel is a girl jokes, would you?" Cas said, looking at Dean.

Dean just nodded sitting up straighter, crossing his legs to match Cas's crossed legs. They were sitting faced to each other, their knees slightly brushing against one another. Cas ignored it but Dean felt the warmth of it comforting, though he wouldn't admit it.

Castiel cleared his throat, looking down at his paper.

"I'm going back to Australia; I might never see you again." Cas started.

"Don't... don't talk that way, Sandy." Dean added, looking at his paper then back up at Cas.

"But it's true! I've just had the best summer of my life, and now I have to go away. It isn't fair."

"Uh, Cas, it says here I'm supposed to start kissing you" Dean said awkwardly.

"Yeah well, you already got to kiss me, once was enough. Just skip that part and let's continue" Cas said impatiently.

"Danny, don't spoil it!" Cas deadpanned, opting to continue.

"It's not spoiling it, Sandy, it's only making it better."

"Danny... is this the end?" Cas asked, his blue eyes staring into Dean's green. Dean felt his heart constrict, as if Cas was asking Dean himself that question.

"Of course not; it's only the beginning." Dean replied, not breaking eye contact. He smiled when he saw a faint blush on Castiel's cheeks, he was about to say something witty when they heard it. The entire class went silent, the students looking at each other confused.

*bang bang bang*

The color drained from Cas's face, his eyes widening. "Dean, was that...?"

He was cut off when they heard another 3 bangs, followed by the sound of students screaming.

Fear bubbled up in Dean's chest. The sound of screaming and continuous gunshots could be heard in the hallways. Dean looked at Cas who seemed stunned with fear.

"Dean, what are we going to do? We need to get out of here!" Cas said, panicked.

The other students were hurrying out the door, more screams could be heard as the gun shots grew louder. Dean knew the gunman was approaching the class room.

"Cas, we can't leave. He's out there. We have to hide" Dean said, looking around the room. Some students opted to stay in the classroom also, they closed the door and pushed the teacher's desk in front of it as a barrier. Cas stayed seated, his eyes wide and blank.

"Cas," Dean said, trying to get his attention. Cas didn't look at him, he was in too much shock to hear Dean.

"Cas. CASTIEL. Look at me man" Dean pleaded, cupping Cas's cheeks, forcing Cas to look at him. He looked terrified. Dean felt a protectiveness wash over him. He couldn't let Cas get hurt. He was such a wonderful person. He was kind and had potential and his friends and family would be crushed if something happened to him.

"Come on Cas, we have to hide." Dean said, letting his hands drop from Cas's face. He stood up and reached his hand out, Cas took it with hesitation and stood with him. Dean didn't release Cas's hand and just quickly looked around the classroom.

"Hey, come on. Behind here" Dean said, dragging Cas quickly to the stage, pulling him behind one of the large wooden Back drops. They crouched down, hands still together. He felt Cas's hand tighten around his when they heard the doorknob turn. Dean let go of Cas's hand and pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him. Cas buried his head against Dean's chest as they heard the door being forced open, the desk being forced aside.

"Shh, Cas. It's okay. It'll be okay. Just stay quiet" Dean whispered, his heart pounding in his chest. He felt Cas nod and in return he held Cas closer. He heard the remaining classmates cry and panic, and he felt his blood run cold as the sound of gunshots rang through the air. He gripped Cas tight as the screams that were just heard stopped. He felt Cas start quietly sobbing into his chest. He knew his classmates were gone. A tear rolled down his cheek and he pressed a kiss into Castiel's hair. He could hear the gunman in the classroom still, and he found himself silently praying that him and Cas would remain unfound. After a few agonizing minutes, he heard the gunman leave the class room to continue his assualt on the rest of the school.

"Dean.." Cas whimpered, his hands gripping the fabric of Dean''s shirt.

"Shh, it's okay. I got you." Dean said, feeling slightly ill as the smell of gun powder and blood filled the air.

"I- I'm scared, Dean. What do we do?" Cas asked, pulling slightly away from Dean to look him in the eyes. Cas looked destroyed. He looked broken and hurt and scared. The sight made Dean's eyes filled with tears. What if something had happened to Cas? He was such an asshole to the guy and for what reason? Because it was "cool"? He felt sick with himself.

"I don't know, Cas. We'll stay here until help comes. We can't risk being seen. I won't let anything happen to you, do you hear me?" Dean asked, a serious look on his face.

Cas nodded slowly.

"Dean, they're all dead. Oh my god, they're dead." Cas let out a broken sob. "Oh my god, what about Kevin? What if he's dead? And Gabriel. Oh god. Oh no. Dean I have to find my brother!"

Cas went to stand and Dean pulled him back down.

"Castiel, look at me. You've got to stay here. You could get killed. There's a chance that they could be okay, and they need you alive, you hear me?" Dean couldn't stop the tears from falling. He felt thankful that his own little brother, Sam, had stayed home that day due to illness.

"But Dean," Cas started before burying his face in his hands, sobbing hard. Dean just rubbed his back, letting his own tears flow freely now.

"I know, Cas. I know."

They sat behind the backdrop, hiding for about another 2 hours, holding each other, crying, and waiting. The gunshots went on for what felt like hours. Dean had decided to sing to Cas to drown out the sound of screams. The gunshots and screams stopped about half an hour ago. They didn't dare move, though. Dean had his arms around Cas, rocking him gently as he heard someone enter the room. He felt Cas tense and he just tightened his grip.

"Police! Is anybody alive in here?" He heard a male voice call out. He released Cas with hesitation and peeked his head out to see. There stood 2 police officers, examining the room. Dean stood up and pulled Cas with him, who stared at him with wide eyes.

"It's okay, Cas. Help is here."

**A/N: **

**So, yeah. Uh, sorry if that offended anybody or was too heavy. This was originally going to be a one shot but I'm going to write another chapter. It won't be a multi chapter fic, though. So probably just a two shot. Anyway, I hope you liked it. There will be more angst and drama and sad times the next chapter.**

**Thank you so much for reading. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:  
>Hello, readers. Two reviews I got suggested I turn this into a multi-chapter fic, instead of a two-shot. So ask and you shall receive! I'm currently in the middle of working on another fic plus I start school full time starting tomorrow annnnd I have a highly demanding 3 year old so I'll try to update as much as possible, just be patient with me, young grasshoppers. Also I'm not terribly please with the first chapter so at some point I'm going to re-write it. Anyhow, here we go.<strong>

**Chapter 2:**

_"Police! Is anybody alive in here?" He heard a male voice call out. He released Cas with hesitation and peeked his head out to see. There stood 2 police officers, examining the room. Dean stood up and pulled Cas with him, who stared at him with wide eyes.  
><em>

_"It's okay, Cas. Help is here."_

oOo

Dean gripped Castiel's hand tightly in his own, giving it a squeeze. The two distraught men stepped out from behind the wooden backdrop they were hiding behind, gasping as they took in the sight before them.

5 of their classmates lay dead on the floor, their teacher, was being tended to by an EMT. She had been shot in the chest and miraculously survived. Cas let out a heart wrenching sob, suddenly feeling his vision blur. Dean panicked as Cas crumbled to the floor beside him. Dean knelt down beside him shaking him slightly.

"Cas. Castiel. Come on, buddy. Wake up" he pleaded. Cas was pale and his skin was clammy. Those beautiful blue eyes were closed, his lips parted. There were still fresh tear tracks down his cheeks and Dean's heart wrenched. Dean heard as the police called for another EMT, while he sat beside Cas, stroking his hair. 2 men approached them, preparing a stretcher for Cas.

"Young man, we need you to step aside" one of the EMTs told Dean.

"Is he going to be okay?" Dean asked frantically.

"We believe he went into shock. He should be okay. You guys were smart to stay hidden." the EMT said, patting Dean on the shoulder.

They loaded Cas onto the stretcher and Dean, Cas, and the EMT were escorted out of the school by a police officer, the other EMT opting to stay and help with . The scene in the hallways was no better than the one in the classroom. There were forensic teams, investigators and crime photographers taking photos of the grisly scene. The floors and lockers were splattered in blood. There were some moans and whimpers from the students who managed to survive the gun shot wounds. The other students who weren't as lucky were photographed and covered in white sheets until their bodies could be moved. Dean felt like vomiting. It all felt so surreal. It felt like a movie, or a terrible nightmare. He briefly wondered how many of his friends made it. How many were injured. He felt a moment of relief knowing Cas was out cold, unable to see the horror that surrounded him.  
>When they got outside, it was a circus. There was a SWAT team, multiple police cars, even more ambulances, and even a fire truck. Dean will never be able to forget it. There were bloodied students sobbing, screaming and frantic parents desperate for any news on their children, news stations and journalists trying desperately to get interviews, and the sound of news helicopters could be heard from above. Dean followed as Cas was lead into an ambulance. He pleaded to go with Cas, but the EMT told him it was too busy and they didn't have the time. Dean understood, there were still students and staff alive and injured inside and he knew he couldn't be selfish. He watched as the ambulance took Cas away, tears threatening to spill again. He stood there in the same spot feeling numb when he heard someone call his name.<p>

"Dean! Dean!" he looked over to see his dad and his little brother Sam stand behind some police tape. They both looked awful. His father's eyes were rimmed red, he had been crying. Sam looked worse, his eyes puffy and his nose running. Dean let his tears fall as he ran to his family. More than anything he wanted his mom, but she had died when Dean was younger. He felt relief flood him though as he collapsed into the arms of his father. Sam joined in, wrapping his arms around Dean and his father.  
>"Dean, we thought we lost you" his father said quietly. He felt his dad start shaking, and he knew he had started crying again. Dean just gripped on tight, holding on for dear life. After a few moments, his family reluctantly released him.<br>"Are you hurt? Did you get hit?" Sam asked through his tears. His voice sounded broken. Dean just put a hand on Sam's shoulder, shaking his head.  
>"No. No, I'm okay Sammy." he replied, his voice shaky. Sam didn't even protest at the annoying nickname. Dean looked around, watching the other parents sob. Some had lost their kids today. The images of his dead schoolmates filled his brain and he bent over, emptying the contents of his stomach. He couldn't hold back the nausea that he felt. He felt his father's hand on his back, rubbing soothingly.<br>"Come on, son. Let's get you home. The police will be over later to get a statement."  
>Dean simply nodded, walking to the car with his family. His legs felt heavy. His dad opened the door for him and he collapsed into the seat, closing his eyes. The drive home felt like it took hours. When they finally returned, Dean didn't have the energy to go to his room. He went straight to the living room, and crumpled down onto the couch. His dad went to the kitchen to make him some tea and Sam sat with him in silence, his tears still falling. Dean hadn't even thought that Sam had friends at the school who might not have made it.<br>"Come here, Sammy" Dean said quietly. Sam looked at his brother for a moment with big, sad puppy dog eyes before scooting over to Dean, letting his older brother hold him. They had no way of knowing who made it and who didn't until for another few hours, after the investigation at the school was over.  
>Dean's father-John, walked back into the living room, setting a cup of steaming tea down on the table in front of Dean. John took a seat in his usual chair, watching his sons. He finally cleared his throat.<br>"Dean, how did you get out unharmed?" John asked, still in a little bit of denial that his oldest son made it out of a massacre unscathed.  
>Dean let go of Sam, burying his head in his hands.<br>"I was in drama when it happened. There was a big wooden backdrop and I hid behind it, I just hoped that if I hid then they wouldn't find me" Dean cried, wiping furiously at his tears. He wasn't one to cry. Both him and his father were stones when it came to emotion. They often hid it well when they were in distress. But neither him nor John could hold in the tears that came that day.  
>"You're very smart, Dean. I'm so happy that you're okay. Did anybody else make it out alive in your class?"<br>Dean had been so struck with grief that he completely forgot about Cas. He wanted to go see him but he knew the hospital would be too busy right now.  
>"I, I don't know. Some kids ran, I'm not sure if they got out in time. I hid behind the backdrop with another classmate, Cas Novak."<p>

Sam gasped. He was friends with Gabriel.  
>"Cas, as in Gabriel's older brother? Is Cas okay? Do you know if Gabe is alive?" Sam asked, his eyes wide and full of worry.<p>

"Uhm, I'm sorry Sammy, I don't know if Gabe is alright. Cas is alive but he fainted when he saw..." Dean couldn't finish, he just cried harder. John got up and joined his sons on the couch. The both spent the next couple of hours consoling Dean, until exhaustion took over and he fell asleep.

oOo 

Castiel woke up to the busy sounds of the local hospital. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking to adjust to the light.  
>"Castiel, thank God, you're okay!" he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him, he knew them to be his older brother Michael's. Castiel's parents died in a car accident 5 years ago leaving the oldest brother to gain custody of the younger Novaks, Castiel, Gabriel and Inias. Cas closed his eyes, burying his head into his brother's chest, gripping onto him tightly. Their moment was interrupted when another voice joined the room.<p>

"Cassie, you're awake!" a familiar voice exclaimed.

Dean pulled away from Michael, fresh tears falling when he saw who it was.

"Gabriel. You're alive! I...I was so scared! I thought..." Cas couldn't finish his sentence. He was overcome with grief. He sobbed hard as Gabriel walked over, hugging his older brother tight.

"It's okay, Castiel. I'm not hurt. I wasn't even in the school when it happened."

"Wh..what? Where were you?" Cas asked through the sobs.

Gabriel looked at his brother with guilt on his face. "I, uh, I skipped with Balthazar. I'm so sorry Cassie, I told you I wouldn't skip anymore."

Cas just hugged his brother, kissing his cheek.

"Damn it, Gabriel. I'm just glad you're okay, Balthazar too."

"What happened Castiel? How did you survive? Did you run?" Michael asked, grabbing Cas's hand.

"I.. I don't know, Michael. I was in drama class and we all just heard gun shots. I was too stunned to run. Dean Winchester hid me. Oh my God. Dean Winchester saved my life."

oOo

**A/N:**

**Okie doke folks. Not much action or anything in this chapter but I don't want to rush things. If I'm going to let this play out as a multi chapter story, then I wanna do it right.  
>I hope you all enjoy. Also, thank you for the follows and likes and reviews. They're my fuel and I appreciate every single one!<strong> 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:  
>Just a warning there will be minor character death in this chapter, just so it doesn't come a surprise.<strong>

**Chapter 3:**

A couple of hours after being admitted, Castiel got the okay to be discharged. The police had already been by earlier that day to get his statement about what happened, and it took everything in him to get through telling them. It still replayed in his mind. When he had woke up in the hospital he hoped it was just a terrible nightmare, and he was heartbroken when he realized it wasn't.

When he got home he immediately locked himself in his room, not wanting to talk to anybody. Who would do such an awful thing, he thought to himself. He felt empty inside, numb. He simply lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He stayed like that for about 3 hours when he heard a knock on the door. He didn't answer, just continued to stare at the ceiling. When he didn't answer, Michael opened the door and peeked in.

"Castiel, buddy, I need to talk to you" he said softly.

Cas just sat up, looking at Michael with tired eyes, shifting over in his bed signaling Michael to take a seat. Michael recognized the gesture and walked over to the bed, sitting down. He rested a comforting hand on Cas's knee, and let out a sad sigh.

"How are you feeling Castiel?" he asked, trying to find a way to start the conversation he needed to have with his distraught younger brother.

"Terrible" Cas replied quietly.

Michael nodded, looking at Castiel.

"Castiel, Kevin didn't make it..." Michael said in a voice almost too quiet to hear.

Cas looked up at his brother, hoping, praying that by some miracle he heard wrong.

"Wha...what did you say?"

"Kevin didn't make it, little brother. The news just released a list of the injured and the deceased. I'm so sorry, Castiel. I know you guys were close. He died a hero, though. The reporter said he had covered a classmate's body with his own so they wouldn't get hurt, the news was saying..."

Michael kept talking but Cas stopped listening. One of his best friend's was dead. He knew Kevin since they were both a freshman in highschool, they clicked immediately and have been friends ever since. Who else was dead? He didn't really care at that point. He just buried his head in his hands, starting to sob. He was surprised that he was even able to cry anymore, but since life was cruel, there was no shortage of tears for the younger Novak boy.

"Castiel, that's not it..." Michael added, a tear of his own rolling down his cheek. He hated to see his brother so torn, he also had grown to like Kevin, who was always hanging out at the Novak house.

Castiel let out a shaky sigh, dropping his hands from his face, wiping at his eyes. He didn't know if he wanted to hear anymore bad news. He knew it was inevitable, though. He knew he would hear it from the news anyway, and he supposed it would be better to hear it from his family, and be able to get the heartache over with now.

"What is it, Michael?" Cas asked quietly, trying to compose himself.

"Well, this is going to be hard to hear. They caught the gunman, some guy named Jake something. But they suspect there was a second gunman. There was some evidence suggesting there was. Castiel, Chuck is in custody. They think he might have been involved. He's a suspect.

And just like that, the dam burst for what seems like the hundredth time that day, and Castiel began to sob.

OOo

2 days after the tragedy, the town held and candle lit vigil for the students who had died. Castiel didn't think he could handle going, he resisted at first, but Michael had convinced him that he should go out of respect to his fallen friend, Kevin. Him, Michael, Gabriel and his 10 year old brother Inias climbed into the car and started their journey to the school. Gabriel sat in the back seat with Cas. Both of them were feeling the sadness of the event before they even got there. Gabriel had also lost a friend, Garth. Garth hung out in the same group as Gabe, Sam and Balthazar. The four of them were attached at the hip, and both Gabriel and Sam had felt the loss deeply. Nobody was coping very well with what had happened that fateful day at school, but they all needed a chance to say goodbye and show their respects for the schoolmates who didn't make it. The arrived at the school, and all got out of the car. It was starting to get dark out, and the air was chilly and gloomy. They walked through the large crowd of people, he recognized a lot of them from around the school. There was probably around 500 people already there, parents, siblings, classmates, friends, relatives all there to grieve the loss of the students.  
>52 students, and 3 teachers were killed that day, with an additional 23 students and 1 teacher being injured. The news was saying it was the deadliest shooting by a single gunman (it was still unconfirmed that there had been a second gunman) since the 2007 Virginia Tech shootings. The group of Novaks forced themselves through the crowd until they got to the front, where a large memorial filled with photos and flowers and other tokens of respect stood. Castiel took in the sight around him. There were students leaving little trinkets by the photos of the students who were killed, people were holding each other, crying and comforting each other. Cas observed the memorial and spotted a photo of Kevin. He took a deep breath and walked over to the photo, crouching down in front of it. He took the flower he brought and set it in front of the photo. He dug into his pocket, pulling out an additional snapshot of the two boys. It was from their junior year, they were both smiling, arms wrapped around each others shoulders, and they were standing beside their first place science project. The had worked day and night on it, and they were both extremely proud that it had won first place at the science fair. Cas sniffled and set the photo down and leaned it against the larger photo of Kevin they used for the memorial.<br>"I'm so sorry, Kevin.." he whispered, tears filling his eyes. He sat there for a few more moments when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. He wiped at his eyes, looking up to see none other that Dean Winchester standing above him. Without thinking Cas stood up and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist tightly, shocking the taller man. When he realized what he had just done, he quickly released the still clearly shocked Dean and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

"I...I'm sorry, Dean." he offered lamely. "I just wanted to thank you for...for...you know...uhm...hiding me..." he stuttered out, not knowing what to say. He had almost forgotten who Dean was. . The same guy who kissed him on a dare. The same guy who made him to his homework for him. Cas stood in front of Dean awkwardly, looking down at his feet, trying to avoid anymore awkwardness. He was startled when he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his back, pulling him forward. Dean was hugging him. He was hugging him tight. Cas let his arms dangle awkwardly before wrapping his arms back around Dean's waist, resting his head on Dean's strong shoulder. They hugged for a couple of minutes, Dean rocking them slightly from side to side. Cas immediately felt the loss when Dean finally released him. For a brief moment, Cas felt safe again. Safe in Dean's arms. When he looked at Dean, he saw how broken he looked. He looked like he hasn't been eating or sleeping, and his eyes too were red. It was strange seeing Dean like this. The man usually oozed confidence, and Cas had never seen him this distraught. He noticed Dean look down at the photo of Kevin with sad eyes.

"Cas. I am so sorry about Kevin..." Dean started, wiping at his eyes.

Cas just nodded, he didn't know what else to say. He wanted to say "it's okay" but it wasn't. It wasn't okay.

"Lisa was killed...and Ruby" Dean continued, avoiding Cas's gaze. Dean knew if he looked into Cas's sad eyes, he would break down. "And Adam was shot in the stomach, but he's alive and recovering in the hospital."

"Dean, I...I don't know what to say. I know you loved Lisa and..."

Dean scoffed, a humorless laugh escaping his lips.

"That's just it, Cas. I didn't love her. She died thinking I did. I like someone else and I dated her for the sex. Fuck, Cas. I used her and she's dead." Dean bit out, fighting hard to control his tears. He spoke harsher than he meant to, and felt bad for taking his guilt out on the one person other than Sam he wanted to survive the most. He turned to walk away when he felt a warm hand grab his. He looked down at their joined hands, then back up to Cas, who looked sad.

"Dean, you didn't use her. Just because you dated her for the wrong reasons, doesn't mean you didn't care about her. You could love her, you know, without being in love with her. She died thinking you loved her and you did, just not in the way she would have wanted. You're a wonderful person and don't you dare for a moment think that you are anything less. If you weren't in class that day I would be dead, Dean. I wouldn't have hid. I would have sat in the same spot frozen in fear until the gunman put a bullet in my head..."

Cas was cut off by Dean yanking his hand from his, shoving him backward. Cas stumbled back and met Dean's eyes. Dean turned on his heel and stormed off, leaving Cas feeling impossibly more broken than before. What had he done wrong? He was just trying to comfort Dean. Maybe he had been right in his original train of thought. Dean had only hid him out of obligation, not because he cared. He was back to being nothing but a nerd and a loser in Dean's books. Gabriel was visiting the memorial photo of Garth when he seen Dean Winchester shove his older brother. He walked over to Cas who's eyes were filled with hurt.

"Cassie, are you okay?" Gabriel asked gently. Putting his hand on Cas's arm.

Cas snapped out of his Dean induced depression for a moment, looking at Gabriel.

"No, I don't think I am, Gabriel. I should have died that day, not Kevin. I'm going home, I can't be here anymore." Cas said, his face now impassive. He just felt numb. He couldn't bring himself to cry. He broke his arm free from Gabriel's hold and walked off, getting lost in the crowd.

Dean looked over to where he had left Cas to see that he was gone. He felt bad for snapping at the poor kid. The words Castiel spoke to him actually made him feel a bit better about Lisa's death until he mentioned that if Dean wasn't there, it would be him with the bullet in his head. When he had said that, Dean had to go. The thought of Cas laying cold and dead in the middle of the drama room made him want to vomit. He had to push Cas away. He couldn't handle it. The look Cas gave him after he had shoved the smaller man broke his heart. Cas looked so hurt. He had hurt Cas. His train of thought was interrupted when Gabriel stormed over and even though he was small, and usually always chipper he looked infuriated.

"Dean!" Gabriel yelled, getting up in Dean's personal space. Sam stood with Dean, shocked to see his happy go lucky friend seething with anger.

"Gabe, what's going on? Are you okay?" Sam asked.

Both Winchesters were shocked when Gabriel's fist connected with Dean's jaw. For a small guy he packed a powerful punch. Dean held onto his jaw in shock, tasting metallic taste of blood in his mouth. Sam immediately stepped in between his older brother and his best friend.

"Gabe! What the hell? What's your problem?" Sam demanded.

Gabriel ignored him, instead staring at Dean with the same anger he had before punching him.

"What the fuck is your problem Dean? What even after shit like this goes down you're still too cool for my brother? He's fucking broken you stupid asshole! You still have to bully him?" Gabriel spat out, trying to push past Sam.

"Gabriel, it's not like that..." Dean started

"Then what the fuck is it like, Dean? All Castiel has been talking about is how you saved his life and how bad he wanted to see you to thank you and you shove him away like a piece of trash? You know he told me he wished it was him who died, and not Kevin? Pfft, you're an asshat and a bully. Stay away from my brother or I will kill you, Dean Winchester." Gabriel yelled, causing some people to stare at the two of them. Gabriel turned to storm away, leaving a confused but angry Sam in his wake.

"Seriously, Dean? You have to pick on Cas today? You're a jerk, man." Sam said, following after his best friend to calm him down.

Dean just stood there, clenching his fists so hard that his nails dug into his palm. He was angry but he deserved that punch. He deserved more. He made Cas wish he was dead. He couldn't just be a normal person and express his feelings, no, he had to go and shove Cas, he took the shattered pieces of Cas and put them into a grinder, until there was nothing left but powder. He felt like the biggest dick in the world. He had to go find Cas and tell him he was sorry. He was so concerned that he would lose him due to the gunman and never stopped to think that he could be the one who killed Cas inside. With that thought, he sent Sam a quick text telling him to get a ride home with the Novaks. He had to find Cas and tell him he was sorry. He had to make this right.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:  
>Okie doke folks, I'm gathering some writers block as my other fic is coming to an end, which will be soon so I'm hoping to clear my head after that's done. Also the rating is going up this chapter as there will be a lil bit of smut in here. But anyway, after that's done this will be my main fic so I'll update more frequently.<br>Also thank you to guest reviewer alice and a big big thank you to Valice for the review. You really encourage me to keep this going and give me a huge confidence boost so a thousand thank yous to you! :)  
>Anyhow, here is a new chapter for ya'll!<strong>

**Chapter 4:**

Dean ran off from the crowd of grievers to find Cas. He felt guilt swell in his stomach as Gabe's words rang through his head. 

"_You know he told me he wished it was him who died, and not Kevin?"_

The last thing Dean wanted was for Cas to feel any more destroyed than he already did. Why was he such an asshole? Why did he have to go and push Cas away? Despite his own depression, Cas had made an effort to comfort Dean, to give his gratitude for "saving his life", as he put it. In a word, Dean felt like shit.

Dean knew where Cas lived from the times he had picked Sam up from hanging out with Gabriel. He more or less jogged to the Novak home, catching his breath when he ran up the porch stairs leading to front door. He knocked frantically, feeling a pang of disappointment when nobody answered. He walked over to the window, peeking inside to see all the lights out, it looked as if nobody had even come home. Where could Cas be? His only friends were gone, more or less. Kevin dead and Chuck still in custody on suspicion for being involved in the shooting. Dean was just as shocked as Cas when he found out Chuck was a suspect. There's no way he could be involved, right? If he had, he killed his own best friend and put his other best friend in danger. It had to be a misunderstanding, but apparently a gun was found in the school with his fingerprints on it, and the gun was registered to his late father, who had passed away some years ago, leaving the gun in Chuck's possession. Add that to the fact that he didn't have a solid alibi, and it looked to be a pretty solid case.

Dean left Cas's house after confirming to himself that nobody was home. He then decided to venture off to what he knew were Cas's usual spots around town in failed attempt to find him. He was growing frustrated. He wasn't at the library, the park, the coffee shop, or the diner he and his friends frequented. He opted to check the other local coffee shops and food establishments for the slight chance that Cas might be there and again, no dice. Where the hell could he be? He didn't have a car, and he couldn't have gone far in their small town. He was deeply frustrated. He walked around for an additional hour before he decided to give up for the night, he had been looking for Cas for a little over two hours now and he came up empty every time. He felt guilty and sad and the weight of it all was too much to handle. So he did what he always did in times of emotional crisis, and took his trusty fake ID to some dingy dive bar. He wanted to go to his regular spot, but it was too far and he needed to self medicate with alcohol now. He couldn't stand to walk anymore. He entered the bar and took note of his surroundings. It was a typical dive, small, poorly lit, bad music playing, bowls of germ filled beer nuts littered the tables and the bar, and the majority of the customers were rough looking. He sighed deeply. It would have to do. He took a seat on one of the bar stools, as an older looking biker chick leaned over the other side of the bar, eyeing him.

"You got ID, kid?" she asked, her voice rough and scratchy. Dean cringed a bit, before nodding, pulling his wallet out, presenting the fake ID to the bartender. She eyed it for a moment, before nodding.

"What's your poison?"

"Whiskey, double." He replied. The woman shot him a creepy wink, sauntering off to make his drink. She returned a moment later with his drink, his savior in a glass. He payed her and downed the drink in one swift movement. One drink quickly turned to two, which turned into four, which turned into six. He had a pretty solid buzz by then, when he felt the effects of the alcohol on his bladder. He got up and slightly stumbled to the bathroom. He walked over to the dirty looking urinal on the wall, relieving himself when he heard a slight moan from one of the stalls. He rolled his eyes and shook himself off before stuffing himself back into his jeans, turning the sink on to wash his hands. Stupid horny drunk idiots, he thought to himself. He was about to leave when he heard it. That deep, gravelly, and now drunk voice.

"Mmm, more. Please."

"Cas?" He asked. Nobody replied, just the sound of more deep, rough moaning. He was too buzzed for this shit, he knew that voice. He kicked open the stall door, seeing an over muscled, rough looking older man on his knees before Cas, his dick in his mouth.

"Cas, what the fuck are you doing?!" Dean demanded, grabbing the other guy up by his shirt, turning the guy around to punch him in the face. The other guy was clearly larger and stronger, and he shoved Dean back, sending him to the dirty floor below him. Dean winced, hitting his head off the floor. He looked up to see the larger man hover above him, his fist hurling toward his face. He closed his eyes and braced himself for impact, but was shocked when it never came. He opened his eyes and seen Cas standing above him, the lid to the back of the toilet in his hands. Dean stared shocked, Cas had hit the large man over the head with the solid porcelain. Cas simply dropped the heavy lid, lazily pulling his pants back up, which were still down. He didn't turn to look at Dean as he left the bathroom. Dean immediately got up and followed after him. When he had caught up to him, he grabbed Cas by his arm and dragged him outside and into the empty alleyway beside the bar.

"Let me go, Dean" Cas slurred. He was wasted, he was gone.

Dean just gripped Cas's shoulders, pushing him gently against the wall to avoid him running off.

"Cas, what are you doing here? What the fuck do you think you're doing? You could have got hurt! Why did you let that stranger blow you, dude?" Dean asked, his eyes full of emotion.

"I was already hurt, Dean. I needed to feel. Needed to feel something other that sorrow. And he offered to suck my dick, so I say yes. Duh" Cas laughed, a drunken crazy laugh.

"Castiel this is serious. What if he had something? A disease? What if he wanted to rape you or kill you, man?"

Cas laughed again, leaning his head onto Dean's shoulder, rubbing his nose against his neck. Dean shivered.

"What if I wanted to be raped, Dean?"  
>Dean gasped, pushing Cas off of him.<p>

"Don't say that, Cas, you're better than that!" Dean said louder than he intended too.

Cas bit his lip seductively, locking his gaze onto Deans.

"I'm not. I'm horny and I want to get fucked. Screwed. Plowed. Rammed. Pounded. I want...I want a cock. In my ass." Cas chuckled at his own use of words. Dean had never even heard Cas swear before, let alone talk like that. He was desperately trying to ignore the twitch that his cock felt.

"Come on, Cas. Let's get you home." Dean sighed. He figured he'd just talk to Cas the next day, when they were both sober. Dean was just a little too inebriated to deal with this shit right now.

Cas shoved Dean away roughly, taking the slightly larger man by surprise.

"Don't act like you give a shit, Dean Winchester. You're an asshole and a bully and I hate you!" Cas yelled.

"Cas, calm down man. Look, I'm so sorry about earlier. It's just I couldn't handle hearing you talk like that. I protected you and hid you because I care, and when you said what you said, I couldn't get the visual of you laying dead on the ground out of my head and I couldn't take it, so I ran. I'm sorry." Dean couldn't believe how open he was being. He momentarily cursed the alcohol for doing his talking for him when he felt Cas grip his shoulders and turn him around quickly, pinning him roughly to the wall. Dean was taken by surprise, and was about to protest when he felt a pair of damp, warm, soft lips press against his. He knew he needed to pull away, and he tried. But his efforts were fruitless. Cas kissed him with bruising force, and Dean found himself giving in. He snaked his hand around Cas's head, gripping his hair. He felt Cas groan into the kiss, and Dean took the opportunity to slide his tongue in past Cas's parted lips. He felt a surge of electricity run through his body as their tongues met, tasting each other eagerly. Dean let out a moan when Cas pushed his groin against his own, grinding his hips to create some friction. He felt like he needed to stop this, he knew it wasn't right, that they needed to talk, but the alcohol sent them both into a lust filled raged, and they couldn't stop.  
>Cas broke apart from Dean's lips, kissing a trail down his neck, stopping to sink his teeth into the heated skin. Dean let out a gasp, thrusting his hips to meet Castiel's. He felt Cas smile against the skin of his neck before sucking the skin into his mouth, lavishing it with his tongue and teeth. Their grinding became harder, and Dean knew he wouldn't last long.<p>

"Oh, oh God, Cas. I...I'm not going to last.." Dean breathed out.

Cas released his skin, smiling at the dark bruise that was already started forming, kissing up to Dean's ear, nipping his earlobe while circling his hips into Dean's, creating some delicious friction. Both him and Dean were rock hard and leaking, and all it took was Cas's rough voice to send Dean over the edge.  
>"Come for me, Dean" he whispered in Dean's ear, sending him into orgasm.<p>

Dean saw stars as he came hard, hands gripping Cas's ass hard, causing the smaller man to also come undone. They rode out their orgasms together, their hips lazily rutting together, sharing sloppy, lazy kisses. They held each other for a few minutes, and when he noticed Cas struggling to stand up right, he suggested they go home. Cas agreed, and Dean took him back to his house, cleaning them up and getting them into bed. They both slept soundly for a few hours before Dean woke up to a loud scream. His eyes shot open and darted to Cas, who was in the middle of having what seemed to be an extremely unpleasant dream. Dean was still a bit buzzed, but he was close to sobering up. He shook Cas gently.

"Cas. Castiel, wake up" he said gently. Cas's blue eyes shot open, tears streaming down his cheeks. He looked at Dean with terror on his face.

"They're dead, Dean! They're all dead!" he sobbed.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, hushing him and rubbing soothing hands up and down his sides while he sobbed. He held Cas until the sobs calmed, and his breathing evened out. He knew Cas had fallen back asleep and he sighed to himself. He tried to fall back asleep but since Cas's nightmare, every time he closed his eyes he seen the dead body of Cas, cold and lifeless, laying on the rug of the drama room.

OoO

**A/N:  
>I hope that was enjoyable for you guys, I'm not too good at writing the sexy stuff so I hope it was decent. I'm trying not to make this an overly smutty story, for I don't want to take away from the main subject of it. But there will be the odd smutty chapter. Blah. Anyhow, lemme know what you think, and thanks for reading!<strong>_  
><em>


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:  
>Bonjour ma bébés! I am here to bring you a new chapter of my sweet lil baby fic. It is a nice cold Canada day here and my apartment is inadequately heated and so my hands are a bit on the numb side, so that being said I will try to write as much as possible but this may be a shorter chapter! <strong>

**Enjoy, love nuggets!**

**Chapter 5:**

Dean woke up with a pounding headache. His mouth was dry and he felt a strong urge to lean over the bed and vomit. He didn't drink as much as he normally did the previous night, but it was enough to bring on the unpleasant symptoms of a hangover. He slowly sat up, groaning as he did. He rubbed his eyes and looked beside him to see the space next to him on the bed empty and cold. Castiel wasn't there. "Fuck" Dean mumbled to himself, forcing himself out of bed to go to the bathroom. He started the water for a shower, undressing himself. He looked into the mirror and sighed sadly. On the side of his neck was a large purple hickey. The hickey that Cas had left. Dean suddenly doubled over and emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. He felt sick with himself. Obviously Cas was going through some dark shit and Dean took advantage of that, grinding against Cas like a horny teenage boy. He felt a sudden wave of uneasiness when the memory of some gruff stranger on his knees in an unclean dive bar bathroom with Cas's dick in his mouth. The Cas he knew before the shooting would blush at the word "blow job" and now there he was, willing to give his body to a complete stranger, with no protection, no sense of danger, no cares in the world. And now, Cas had left Dean's house, and he could be God knows where. None of this wouldn't have happened if Dean could have just refrained from being a dick and shoving Cas away at the vigil. A part of him still couldn't believe this was his life now. Everything had been so normal the week prior. Cas was his normal, nerdy, passive self, and Dean was his macho, popular, asshole self. He remembers just last week, it was a Tuesday and they had chemistry together. Dean's lab partner was Lisa and Castiel's partner was Chuck. He remembers watching the two friends laugh and goof off together, talking animatedly about some video game and who was better at it. He remembered Lisa being annoyed and saying something along the lines of " , can you get those nerds to keep it down? We don't need to hear about their plans to romance each other" causing snickers from their classmates. Dean, being the less than honorable man he was, laughed along. Cas and his group of friends were often picked on, being shoved, stolen from, and called some of the worst names in the book, but much to the frustration of their bullies, the strong group of friends never seemed to let it bother them. Dean secretly admired that about Cas, his ability to shut out the negative and remain positive. He was always making science and Star Trek jokes and was always smiling. He stood up for his friends and was a protective brother to Gabriel. He was an great guy and Dean felt like shit for all the crap him and his group of muscle head friends put him through. Still, after that kiss, Dean would take an opportunity he could to talk to or look at Cas, even if it meant telling Cas to do his homework for him. It wasn't that Dean was gay, the thought of any other guy was such a turn off it wasn't even funny. But there had always been something about Castiel that made Dean weak. It was because of that stupid dare. The dare to kiss Cas. He would have never thought of Cas in that way if he would have never got to taste those perfect warm lips of his. Sometimes he wishes he would have just dropped out of the game, but then he felt even guiltier with himself because if he didn't care so fiercely about Cas, he probably wouldn't have gone to the lengths he did to keep him safe. In fact, if that kiss never happened he would have never even bothered to go to class that day, the only reason he ever went was to be around Cas without it being obvious. And if he wouldn't have been in class, Cas would have froze up the moment those gun shots went off and there's no doubt that Cas would have died that day. The thought made Dean vomit again, throwing up nothing but stomach acid. He dry heaved for a few moments then forced himself to get into the shower. He needed to clear his head or he would drive himself crazy. He stood under the hot spray of water until it ran cold. When he got out he brushed his teeth, dried off and went to his room and got some sweat pants and a white t-shirt on. He then padded down the stairs and joined his brother and his father in the kitchen, where his dad was frying some bacon.

"Morning, son. Where were you last night, you had me worried half to death" John asked, momentarily giving his son the once over to make sure he looked okay.

"Oh uh, I went to find Cas Novak" he offered lamely, not wanting to tell his dad what really happened last night.

"Oh, speaking of which, why was Cas sneaking out of here at 5 in the morning? I seen him when I was going to the bathroom." Sam said suspiciously, eyeing the hickey on Dean's neck, then his older brother.

Dean sighed.

"I found him drunk last night, he's not coping well and I didn't think he would want his family to see him like that, so I let him crash here." Dean said. And well, it was kind of the truth, right?

John plated the bacon and before starting on the eggs, gave Dean a sympathetic look.

"Always saving the Novak kid, aren't you Dean?" John said. "Next time, at least let me know what's going on, I would have helped, made sure you both were okay."

Dean was a bit thrown off by his dad's kindness. His dad wasn't an asshole but he never normally coddled his sons. He assumed the shooting made John realize how close he was to loosing his oldest son. Dean welcomed the extra care,

"Thanks, dad. Next time I'll let you know."

OoO

Cas woke up covered in sweat. He felt sick and anxious and when he realized where he was, he panicked. He was in Dean Winchester's bed, after coming on hard to Dean, and letting some stranger have his way with him. He felt suffocated all of a sudden and full of regret. He quickly gathered his belongings and left Dean's room as quietly as possible. Dean would never let him live this down. As he walked down the stairs he caught a glimpse of Sam, who looked perplexed. Cas just nodded his head at him before leaving. The cool fall air on his skin was a welcome sensation as he stepped outside. For a fraction of a second he felt good, calm, but then the realization that he didn't even have friends to talk about his crazy night with anymore made his eyes burn with tears. He quickly wiped them away and headed home. He lifted the welcome mat in front of his house and unlocked the door. He had hoped to just quick go upstairs and hide in his room, but as luck would have it, Michael was sitting in the living room chair in the same clothes he wore the day prior. He decided to try to make a run for it upstairs anyway but was stopped when he heard Michael's stern voice.

"Castiel James Novak, you come here and you talk to me!"

Cas hung his head and walked slowly into the living room. He stared down at his feet and fidgeted with his fingers. He felt sick and tired and he just wanted a shower and to snuggle into bed.

"Where in God's name did you go, Castiel? I thought something happened to you. Gabriel and Inias were very upset. You can't just take off like that!" Michael said, his voice full of emotion.

"I apologize Michael, I just couldn't be around those people. It was too much." Cas said quietly, still avoiding his brother's gaze.

"And you couldn't have took a moment to tell one of us you wanted to go home? Jesus, Castiel, what were you thinking?" Michael demanded.

Cas felt a tear slip down his cheek and sniffled, wiping his nose on the back of his sweater sleeve.

"I..I'm sorry, Michael, I just couldn't...oh God, I just..." Cas stuttered, trying his damnedest to hide the sob that was threatening to escape. He heard Michael get up and walk over to him, and Cas closed his eyes, fighting the tears. He was surprised to feel a pair of arms wrap around him, but he didn't fight it, immediately wrapping his arms back around his brother, resting his head on his shoulder.

"Shh, it's okay, Castiel. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just can't lose you, you know? Your brothers and me would be devastated. You don't need to carry this burden alone, we're here, okay? And we love you."

Cas just nodded and allowed himself to be held. It was strange for him to see Michael give hugs since his older brother was much like Dean, very masculine and strong, and hugs were usually Gabriel and Inias's thing.

After his encounter with Michael, he was allowed to go and take a shower and get some sleep. He slept for a few hours when he felt his phone buzz. He groaned and flopped his hand around, his eyes still closed to look for his phone. He didn't bother looking at the caller ID and answered it, yawning as he did.

"You have a collect call from Lawrence Correctional Center. Please press one to accept the call, or press two to decline" an automated voice said. Cas furrowed his brow, pressing the "one" on his dial pad. It was quiet for a moment, but he felt his heart race when the mystery caller spoke on the other line.

"Cas?"

Castiel shot up in bed, his eyes slightly wide.

"Chuck?"

**OoO**

**A/N:  
>Again, super super short chapter so I apologize. I will try to write in the next couple of days and I promise it will be a longer chapter. This was more of a filler since I haven't updated in a bit and felt bad.<br>Let me know what you guys think, and I will update shortly. :)**


	6. AUTHOR'S NOTE, NOT NEW CHAPTER :(

Hello fabulous readers.

I'm so so so sorry if you got excited thinking this was a new chapter but I just wanted to let you guys know why I rarely update anymore.

I have not by any means abandoned this story, I love it and it is my baby.

But between this one and my other one "The Note", I will be updating this one less.

I am losing my marbles, I'm afraid. I'm absolutely swarmed in school work and my teacher had put me on a pedestal after I wrote a short story a couple of weeks ago so though writing is the only thing I'm skilled at, she expects my other work to equal the quality of my writing, and that, my friends, has added a bucket load of pressure on me. I'm currently buried in English, bio, and math work, with 4 different English assignments that need to be completed and handed in so I can get a good grade on my midterm review.

Add that to the pressure of making enough time for my friends and taking care of and trying to potty train my very head strong and stubborn daughter, and I'm wearing myself pretty thin. I'm exhausted and don't have much leisure time to write anymore.

I apologize for the pity party on myself but I felt as if I owed you an explanation. I will try to update every week or two until my work load dwindles down, which if I work steadily for the next couple of weeks, will hopefully be soon. Please don't abandon this story or your enjoyment of my writing, for this; writing, is my only outlet and the alerts I receive from you lovely folk literally make me beam. I promise when I get to updating on the regular that I will make this fic as good as I possibly can for you guys. In the mean time I'd love to hear any ideas you have for this story. Perhaps in my absence I can jot some ideas down and use them, because I'm having some difficulty with writers block with not only this fic but my other also, since it's been a while since I updated. A while for me, anyway.

But anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this and I will try my absolute best to give you guys something as soon as I can.

Love you mucho my sweet peas!

- Taryn.


End file.
